


Unsent Letters, Unsaid Feelings

by Rumoris



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, don't judge this by its cover, it's not angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 08:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18133472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rumoris/pseuds/Rumoris
Summary: Letters are meant to be sent, but sometimes they end up being a bit too personal and they are left sitting in their envelopes, serving their remaining days as timecapsules. However, in unfortunate cases, these timecapsules might be opened by people who should never ever get near them.





	Unsent Letters, Unsaid Feelings

           When it came to big choices in life, Kyle was always the man of careful planning. He kept in mind every instance and possibility where things could go wrong, made plans to avoid the worst scenarios, while thinking about leaving escape routes, small shortcuts and plenty of Plan Bs along the way. It was completely different from his usual hot-headed self, who would rush into the most dangerous situations whenever someone trampled over his pride and sense of morality. No. When it came to long-term plans, he wanted everything to be perfect and steadfast.

However, as everyone slowly started moving on with their life, Kyle eventually realized that he got lost in his own daydreams for too long. Life went on without him and his future fell apart like a house of cards.  _ Plan A _ was no more, Plan B had no chance on becoming reality and when Cartman took a step toward to being independent, he realized that Plan C, in which he is always one step ahead of everyone else, was nothing more than just a pipe dream.

Out of the blue, an unknown fear started torturing Kyle, biting into his very being as it slowly poisoned even his happiest his thoughts.  _ Everyone was leaving _ and they took parts of his childhood with them, only giving him some strange kind of bitter loneliness as a farewell gift.

Cartman had a plan to get rich. As soon as he got the opportunity, Stan moved in with Wendy, away from South Park. It was only matter of time before Kenny finally announced his intent on leaving him behind,  _ ultimately  _ turning Kyle into a faded picture in their shared memories. There was no way in hell that any of them will return to this place. Instead, they will leave him alone as the failed prodigy who lost his way in life.

However, to Kyle’s greatest relief, the blond clung to his promise that he would help Karen apply to college and get her out of South Park in some way or other. Thanks to the girl, Kyle’d indirectly won some time, but this calm period didn’t last long and before Kyle had a chance to react, Karen was also out of town.

He ran out of time once again and desperately started clinging to something that could only live as a childish fantasy in the back of his mind.  _ Plan Z _ . The impossible scenario, as he liked to call it; because the likelihood of that plan to become reality was just as impossible as reaching Plan Z itself. He would give up on life sooner than to try every possibility. Unless…

Unless he skips everything else and jumps straight to his last resort...

At this point, life made it clear that planning everything would get him absolutely nowhere, so Kyle had to step out of his comfort zone. What he did not expect, that his decision will be based more on an emotional impulse than logic. For once, he listened to his heart and eventually ended up crushing years of careful planning with one single rushed sentence, which was uttered on a summer night, after he downed enough cans of beer to lose control over his tongue.

They were sitting on the porch of his parents’ garden, enjoying the cool breeze as Kyle rested his head on Kenny’s shoulders. He let the warmth emanating from the body next to him calm his senses, until he was eventually lulled near sleep by the blond’s rhythmic breathing. Their usual comfortable silence enveloped them where none of the boys really felt the need to force out newer and newer topics to keep the conversation going. But if Kenny moves away from town, there will be no one to share these moments with. Nobody could ever really replace him. Kyle suddenly felt like, if Kenny indeed leaves, the world might as well catapult itself into the sun.

It was far too inviting for him to present the thought that has been lingering at the back of his mind ever since he started thinking about a lonely future. He raised his head, wincing at the sudden change of temperature as he stared into those blue eyes, waiting for Kenny to turn toward him.

Then, he asked it without any hesitation.

_ “Will you move in with me?” _

A half-assed attempt that was not followed by any explanations.

But Kyle couldn’t lose him.

In the midst of everything, he was certain about this, at least.

He still remembers Kenny’s expression, despite the intoxicating haze of alcohol that clouded his mind. Disbelief, happiness, sadness, and something akin to grief. However, he didn’t wait for the answer and went back to his previous position on Kenny’s shoulder nestling closer to him while clutching his empty can of beer.

The redhead was pretty sure that he managed to ruin the human connection he cherished the most when Kenny didn’t approach him for two days after that and this fear grew even stronger every time he started thinking about his idiocy. However, just when Kyle thought his offer was quietly rejected, Kenny presented him a list of ideas for their shared apartment, not only the possible locations, but its features and situation. And with minor changes here and it was Kyle’s time to agree on moving in together.

Obviously, he said yes to his own plan.

But back then he still had no idea that moving out is nothing like in the movies.

Shopping for boxes together and only labeling their most important things was a mistake. He admits it now, because their personal belongings were successfully mixed together once they finally started moving in to their new apartment. While Kenny had fewer boxes and putting them aside would have solved most of their problems, these boxes quickly got buried under Kyle’s books and various knick-knacks. The only things the blond managed to save just in time was a box containing some of his clothes and his treasured CD collection.

Mistakes were made and now Kyle was sitting in the labyrinth made of almost identical brown cardboard boxes. Some of them proudly wore the letter K, like that would help him matching them to their rightful owner. Of course, It would’ve been easier to just open them all, but he feared that once that was done they will never unpack their things and in worst scenario, they would end up living from boxes until they have a fight and Kenny takes his part of the labyrinth away. No. He would probably leave everything behind, never looking back at Kyle and their shared apartment…

He closed his eyes, chasing away the scenes that belonged to a drama-filled movie. His job was to organize their things, not to overthink stolen scenes from the latest blockbuster!

Huffing to himself, Kyle straightened his back and focused on the task before him.

So far, he opened two containing the rest of his books, one filled with socks, another one filled with more clothes. He was about to start unboxing them, when he saw a smaller box sitting atop of an untouched tower. It stood out from the sepia landscape with its simple blue colour and ragged sides, almost inviting Kyle to find out more about it.

The redhead curiously grabbed the small box, surprised by how light it was and sat down with it in the middle of their living room. This belonged to Kenny, there was no doubt about it. Furthermore, it must’ve been something personal, if its contents didn't get the cardboard box treatment and instead they were carefully separated from the rest of his belongings. Right next to it, one of Kenny’s boxes signaled that it must’ve been taken out of that, when the other was searching for clothes in the morning.

Since he left in a hurry, Kenny must’ve forgot to put it back.

Kyle’s conscience told him, he should’ve let the box sit in its place, but in the end the little voices at the back of his mind urged him to act. His heartbeat had gotten wilder, resonating through his entire body. He was walking in a restricted zone, rummaging among the personal belongings of his flatmate. However, while he was terribly ashamed of himself, even this couldn’t stop him from opening the box.

Letters and postcards greeted him; some yellowed, some crumpled, some got wavy over the years. However, even if they had been chewed by time, for some reason they still brought a smile to his lips. Kenny never seemed to be the type who were in correspondence with anyone, though Kyle had to admit, the boy had a pleasantly flowery style as it was proved by the letters he addressed to them from Hawaii. (Kyle might or might not have them hidden in one of his books). Maybe there was more to this story than Kenny let them know…?

He was about to close the box, giving up on finding out more about its secrets when he saw his name as the sole recipient of a postcard, not boys, not Cartman, Stan and Kyle, just Kyle Broflovski.

As he turned it to its other side, the picture was an ugly graphic of an egg with clashing colours saying “You are eggsactly my type”.  The sheer stupidity and gaudiness of the postcard made Kyle snort in amusement. It took him some time to register that this was meant for Valentine’s Day. For him. From Kenny.

The sheer realization made his heart jump around in his ribcage, wanting to be freed from its prison. It must’ve been a joke, because they all knew that Kyle never got anything for Valentine’s Day, not even a piece of candy… But then again Kenny would not play these kind of tricks on him. That was Cartman’s modus operandi. Which meant, this was a genuine card...

By the time he came to his senses he already had the contents of the box in his lap, going through the folded papers and envelopes. In some way or another, all of them had his name, even if only in its first row. Counting them, there were only 4 letters, one was already closed and addressed to him, probably Kenny changed his mind before sending the letter on its way to him. Along them he counted several postcards, most of them depicted different locations in Hawaii and Romania.

“The weather is nice. Hope you are having a nice time too!” “I saw the biggest shark of my life!” and suddenly one one of them, “Hawaii is great! I wish you could see it!” That was plural right?  _ You _ as in him and the boys.

However, as the letters went on, they got longer and more personal… all addressed to him.

“Dear Kyle,

It’s been a while and I’m terribly sorry for not calling or contacting you earlier, however, it is out of my power to get near the phone and I’m not sure your parents would appreciate a phone call at 2am. Especially not from me. So here I am, writing you this letter in hopes that it will eventually reach you in the near future. Currently we are living with the Weatherheads, they are rather nice but they don’t like being certain about things for some reason. I think they said they were agnostic. I’m still not sure how this is all connected to their lifestyle. We will have to wait and see, I guess. I hope everything is going well in our little mountain town, I miss you all. Sincerely your friend, Kenneth”

It sounded so fake, even after one reading, but his suspicions were reinforced by a folded piece of paper that seemed to contain the second part of the story. It was crumbled a tattered. Maybe Kenny didn’t even want to send it, just put it in his pocket and kept it there as a reminder. Not like that mattered to Kyle as he hastily unfolded the paper with shaking hands, feeling the weight of every word as they slowly pulled him lower and lower, to a past Kenny refused to share with them.

“Dear Kyle,

now I know what the word agnostic means, and I’m sure you don’t want to know. I want to send this letter to you just to pour my heart out once in my life, but alas, I cannot do that. It would probably ruin my image of the carefree poor boy in your mind and I really don’t want that. What I am writing now will probably never make its way to you, but believe me, it’s better this way. What used to be a bittersweet change in scenery, quickly turned into a living hell. I’m doing my best to protect Karen, but I’m not sure how long I can last. It will sound pathetic, but I don’t know if I can be there everytime my sister needs me and it scares me to death. I can’t help but miss South Park. Miss its twisted morals, the chaos, the weekly waves of stupid bullshit. Most importantly I miss you. Your voice, your smile, your _ ramblings _ . I miss you Kyle and I wish I could go back to South Park for an hour just to see you.

Maybe if I weren’t the poor pathetic loner kid of the town, things”

The letter ended there. Maybe Kenny didn’t want to continue or he didn’t have the chance to sit down to the letter again. The world grew blurry in front of Kyle. He quickly swept away the tears with his sleeves and he was already reaching for a simple pearl white envelope.

“Dear Ky,

By the time I will find this letter, you will be far away from South Park and far away from me. I don’t think a day will pass when I won’t miss you, however, that’s how things should be. Life goes on and sentimental objects get thrown away where eyes can’t see them. As I watched you up on that podium, holding a valedictorian speech I unwillingly got caught by the feeling of my own uselessness. You were brilliant, like thousands of gemstones scattered around the night sky. I couldn’t take my eyes off you. And probably that’s when I realized if my colours would meddle with yours they would ruin this picture. But I don’t think I can ever get over you. Your palette of emotions, the soft curls you hated so much (for your information, I love them), those chill afternoons spent with playing video games, the parties we went together and just the sheer action of watching you from the sidelines. It would take me an eternity to forget, but maybe it’s better for you if I don’t ruin anything by opening my mouth. Past me loved you, present me loves you and I’m pretty sure future me will love you all the same.

With all my love, Kenny”

Kyle sat there, speechless, rereading the last sentence over and over again, as if the letters would eventually change and give him a completely different meaning. But the words  _ love _ just wouldn’t disappear, instead they started clawing at his chest, following his thoughts. Past love, present love, future love. But since when? How is that possible that he never noticed it? Suddenly he felt stupid. They wasted so much time because of their own foolishness and cowardice, but for some reason he couldn’t laugh at the situation.

In his memories he recalled Kenny’s face, that unknown expression that came to his face when Kyle asked him to move in with him. He tried to sweep it away, pretend that it was only his imagination, but the more he thought about it, the more sense that reaction made.

The tears, and the frown that accompanied his sorrowful smile. His drunken brain had no chance to understand the emotions flickering through Kenny’s eyes. The numbing heartbreak and the hesitance to willingly accept even more. And here they were, surrounded by boxes that belonged to them, but still insisting on living their own life…

Kyle was not crying, and whoever accused him of crying was wrong. This was definitely not that! The moment he leant forward to collect the papers unshed tears hit his clothes. He should’ve been the happiest man on earth, yet the feeling was the complete opposite.

Thankfully, he was no alone with his mistake. Kenny, too, followed the same path but on a different level! If he only gave Kyle some kind of sign a clue, maybe Kyle wouldn’t be sitting there alone, holding fragments of Kenny’s heart in his hand. That’s right, if Kenny poured his heart out for him years ago, Kyle would have smashed it to piece in fear!

Who did he want to deceive? They were both stupid.

He heaved a sigh to regulate his emotions somehow. At least they were not living miles apart from each other, suffering alone on their own...

After successfully convincing himself that this was the best outcome, he fished his phone off from the coffee table, quick dialing Kenny’s name. He silently prayed that the blond will be away at work, and his call would go unnoticed, however his heart unintentionally skipped a beat when a familiar voice answered him.

“Hey.”

“Kyle! Did something happen? You sound tired.”

Stupid. He hardly ever called Kenny at work so no wonder he got alarmed by the sudden attention seeking.

“Nothing.” his own voice scared him. It came out so hoarse and tired. He wanted to tell him everything, but in the end the words died in his throat.

“Ky... What happened?” Kenny tried to ask in a different way, his voice held much more worry than previously. However, Kyle was adamant about keeping his problems to himself.

“Nothing, really.”

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t call me to hear my sexy voice over the phone.”

“And what if I did?” Kyle chuckled, slowly putting back the letters to their original box with his free hand.

“Who are you and what have you done to Kyle Broflovski?”

“Asshole.” he put the lid back on the cardboard box.  “And here I was thinking about taking you out to dinner… And don’t even start! I know, we don’t really have that kind of money right now, but--”

“It would be nice.” Kenny finished his sentence for him, almost too fast. “I have to go back to work now, my manager is already giving me the  _ look _ .”

“Better end the call or else you will never get home.”

He expected Kenny to drop the call, instead Kyle could hear him muttering on the other end, in a tone that brought him back the fateful summer evening and his downfall.

“Home… I like the sound of that.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> While I had an idea for a penpal AU, I also started thinking about a what if... What happens to letters that are left unsent? How could they serve a positive role in an impossible situation? And thus, this oneshot was born...


End file.
